I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize