When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
either way he was missing a nipple.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
