my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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