Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
