don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
