Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
