I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
