The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
