I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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