are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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