Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
