As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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