I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
