Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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