You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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