Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have aggressive nipples.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
