he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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