were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
