FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We don't watch enough power rangers
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
