i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
