Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
high people should be assigned attendants
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
