I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
