I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
