some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
