I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
