Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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