you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
