The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
