How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
