This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize