3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
