I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
