you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
