I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
