ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
