I swear god or herbie drove my car home
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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