He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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