My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
