My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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