my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
