when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your cock deserves a montage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
