i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
