Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
