So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
