In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
