I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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