Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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