You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
