doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry about my life...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
