i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
