Buhtt sex?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
