Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
