We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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