I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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