There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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