I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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