Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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