you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he thought i was a dude.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
