he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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