u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
