OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
