I looked at my own cervix.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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