It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
