I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
