Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
