i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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