Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dick very happy bro
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
