I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
