Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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