Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
