We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
