remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
