The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
