Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
