I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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