ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
