gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize