Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
