i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
