how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize